New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
