Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
