I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
