I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
