I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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