Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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