Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
