i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
