I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
