Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
