I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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