apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In other news, I just burned my penis
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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