remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
