Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
