My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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