I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
