I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
