god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
