Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
