Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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