i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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