R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My bed smells like the plague
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
