Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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