I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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