We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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