she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
