theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
