You can't motorboat a personality
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
