it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
