Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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