Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
