It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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