We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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