Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
