Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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