what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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