I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A+ Viking dick
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
