guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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