dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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