This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
