i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
