I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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