I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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