I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
