I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
