i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
