Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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