I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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