NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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