Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
