so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
