I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
