then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
