Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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