I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize