Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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