dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
