and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
