it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
