Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
