Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Drake has all the answers
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
