can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
