real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
