I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
