You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
