I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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