When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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