Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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