idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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