Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
