You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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