I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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