Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
