he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
