90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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