no, he came in my armpit
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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