This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
