Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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