Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
How naked do you want me to be?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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